i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
