I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
