what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
