I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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