It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
