I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
