I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
