There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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