her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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