I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
