my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
