I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
