Yo dont text me then not text me
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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