i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
