So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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