Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
