Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
