He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
