xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
