My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
