wrigley field is MILF paradise
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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