weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
