i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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