At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Four minutes until I can fart!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
