I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
