My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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