This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
