After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize