do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
