I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize