We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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