Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
