I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
