Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
