you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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