The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
