I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
