Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
