We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
