So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
