You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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