You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
