My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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