Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
