Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
