Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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