she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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