The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
