please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
