Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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