I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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