Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
