Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
