We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize