Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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