You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
