do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
