started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
