this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
