apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
