I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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